Chapter 5 - Dating Mark

After my first date with Mark, I found myself wanting to be with him again. I enjoyed our first date and I wondered if he felt the same. He tried calling me a couple times that week when I wasn’t home and finally left a phone number to call him back. I did call and we scheduled a double date with his friend Dave and another girl. We went to Mark’s home, raced electric slot cars, and ate pizza.

Mark lived in his parent’s home which his contractor father had built especially for him in the mid 60’s after his injury. It was a very open, modern style and Mark took me down the cement ramp in the back that sloped down from the main level to the downstairs. The ramp was heated with oil to prevent ice and snow buildup. The slot cars were set up in the basement. I had never raced slot cars, but it was really fun, fast, and had us all laughing. Mark needed help to get the control braced in one hand and then he could push the plunger down with his other hand to control the speed.

He had lots of practice and was good at racing the cars around the figure eight track. Once again, his skills were better than mine, but I proved to be much better at slot cars than I was at chess. At some point during the evening Dave and his date disappeared. Mark and I barely noticed. We laughed the whole time, but we also had some serious conversations. He told me that an important thing to him in a friend was sincerity. After a while, he asked me if I wanted to go for a ride on his lap. I jumped on and he took me around the rooms in the attractively furnished basement. He showed me the dimmer switch on the lights (which were a novelty at the time), and then he kissed me for the first time. My reaction was to say, “Wow, Chris was right!” When he asked what I meant I told him Chris had told me he was a good kisser. They were literally kissing cousins. Before that night I thought everyone kissed about the same, but I was wrong. Mark really was a good kisser.

That was the beginning of our dating and we continued to go out to movies, sporting events, concerts, parties and family get-togethers. Each time I was with him, I enjoyed myself so much and learned more about him and his life. One day my sister asked me if I thought I was doing the right thing dating Mark. I told her we were just good friends and I would never let myself fall in love with him.

Mark went into business and started a stock brokerage firm with his good friend Walt Heyman. He was having success and I was impressed with his independence and motivation. I had not however ever thought of a future with him until my friend Connie asked me one day, “Are you going to marry Mark?” Yikes! What a thought. When I told her the idea hadn’t even entered my mind, she responded, “Well if anyone could, it would be you.”

Thanks to Connie, the thought did start creeping in and before I knew it, I was falling in love. I continued to date other guys that I compared him to. He always seemed to come out on top. I loved the time we spent together no matter the activity. We started spending more time alone. I would drive to his home and then we would use his mother’s car for our dates. As much as I enjoyed our time, there were a few things that I didn’t have to worry about with other guys. For one thing, his urine was collected in a bag that was strapped to his lower leg. When the bag filled up it had to be emptied. He explained the routine to me in a very matter of fact way, like it was no big deal. After only a couple dates I started to empty his catheter bag. If we were indoors we used a urinal and outside we would find a bush or a drain. We also discovered his urine was really good at reviving dead spots on the lawn.

Another thing I learned early on was how to transfer Mark in and out of the car. We used a “twist board” which was basically two pieces of wood with ball bearings in between. I would park Mark’s wheelchair next to the passenger seat and put the twist board on the ground under his feet. I stood in front of him, put my hands under his armpits and leaned him forward. I was a small girl, about 5’2” and 110 pounds. Mark was about 6’ and 140. With my knees bracing his and one quick lift he would stand on the board, twist and plop down on the seat. It was a matter of technique and leverage, and if you did it right it wasn’t that hard. Mark had some strength in his legs so if you got him moving out of the seat he could help quite a bit. All of this was executed through Mark’s direction. I was nervous at first, but after a few times it became second nature.

Dating Mark was always an adventure. One night on a rather busy road, just before an intersection, we got a flat tire in his mom’s car. While he sat in the passenger seat, I proceeded to get out of the car and change the flat. We got a lot of confused and angry looks from passersby as they wondered what kind of man would sit in the car while his tiny girlfriend changed a tire.

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One thing Mark loved to do while we were dating was go to University of Utah basketball games. One of our first dates was one of those games. He had season tickets in the old Einar Nielsen Fieldhouse. The seats were way up a long flight of stairs at the top of the North end of the building. I don’t know why or how he ended up with those seats, but someone had to drag him in his wheelchair up that long flight of stairs. I don’t know how Mark talked him into it, but his brother-in-law Terry was willing to help. He pulled Mark all the way up those stairs. I was amazed. I also don’t know how Mark stayed so calm knowing his life and limb were in serious jeopardy. One misstep by Terry and he would have been doing 100 mph in a wheelchair down the wooden stairs. Mark was a huge fan of the Running Utes and he yelled and cheered the entire game.

Mark told me in the beginning he liked girls who would ask him out sometimes instead of always being asked. I took his cue and invited him to go with me one night to hear my friend Ron perform with his Brigham Young University (BYU) musical group. I’d never heard them before and they were performing at a nearby church. We arrived after everyone had eaten and tried to sneak in unnoticed. I learned that night that Mark no longer possessed the ability to sneak in. It seemed like every person in the entire banquet hall turned to look. Rather than feeling embarrassed, I found I liked being seen with him. He looked really sharp that night, dressed in brown wool pants and a v-neck olive green sweater. He appeared to be tall, even though he sat in a wheelchair. He had a long torso and excellent posture. He always sat up straight. His hair was always trimmed and neatly combed. After the concert he bought one of the group’s records that was offered for sale. I thought he must have really enjoyed the music, but it’s hard to say. He often made gestures like that out of kindness.

One of the guys I dated at the same time as Mark was Jake. He was in the Navy and he was home on leave. I didn’t want to lie to Mark about other guys so I told him about Jake. Mark very matter-of-factly told me to have a good time with Jake and if I still wanted to date Mark to give him a call. I spent a lot of time with Jake. We were together just about every night and we had lots of fun. Still, I found myself thinking of Mark often while we were together. There was a grocery store between my house and Jake's and we drove past it every time we went out. It had a neon sign that was supposed to read “Market” but the “e” and the “t” were burnt out. It read “Mark” in neon lights–a literal and figurative sign.